New Year's resolutions. Do you make them? Do you stick to them? Do you think it's all over-hyped nonsense designed to make us feel terrible for the rest of the year?
I've never really made New Year Resolutions. There was one half-hearted promise to myself on January 1st 2008 that this would definitely be the year that I learnt how to play chess. But it all played out rather predictably (my motivation, not the game itself) and was forgotten within a week.
So if you do love making resolutions and the process works for you, then carry on, I salute you. And for the rest of us, maybe it's worth taking a different approach ....
Look backwards as well as forwards ...
Before you focus on new goals and resolutions for the year ahead, isn't it worth reflecting back on all that you've achieved in the year just gone? Whether it's been a wonderful or a challenging year for you, either way it will have been scattered throughout with small but significant triumphs and achievements. This is a practice that I've taken to doing for the last few years and find it really interesting and useful. And before you run away to hide in a corner with a feeling that you didn't achieve anything this year, let me reassure that the concept of 'achievement' is so much broader than you think. So yes, the obvious promotions at work and passing exams are all certainly deserving of mention. But as complex human beings our accomplishments stretch far beyond this: Have you coped with a challenging situation this year? Have you put time and effort into existing or new friendships? Have you cooked a wonderful meal? Finally done something you were dreading? Tried something new (even if you did not continue with it)? All of these are achievements in my book and are equally as worthy of reflection.
Be honest ...
Reflecting back on your achievements may help you more clearly define your values and aspirations for the year ahead so that you can be more honest with what your resolutions actually are (and not just what January's glossy magazines tell you they should be!). This is where I went wrong with chess. If I'm honest, I had zero interest in actually mastering this complex game, I was just caught up in the vain idea that others would think I was 'proper clever like' if I could play chess rather than snakes and ladders (for the record, I am very very good at snakes and ladders). But it's not hard to see that resolutions are going to have much more longevity if fueled with honesty rather than vanity.
Feel free to change your mind ...
So what happened with this ill thought-through vanity project of mine? Well, on the 2nd of January I bought a chess set, then on the 3rd of January I sat with a baffled look on my face as I moved a few pieces around the board, and on the 4th of January I finally realised that there was a distinct imbalance between how much I actually wanted to learn chess (not that much) and how complex it was to master (very). So I changed my mind. Perhaps some resolutions are supposed to drift to the wayside as we become more honest with ourselves and as our priorities and our interests naturally change. After all, stubbornly persevering with something that you no longer really want or need to do just because it seemed like a good idea on New Year's Eve (or because the glossy magazines tell you everyone else is doing it) is simply a waste of energy.
But don't feel forced to give up ...
I'm quite clear and confident in saying that I changed my mind about learning chess, but I appreciate that others might frame this as me 'giving up' or admitting defeat. I believe there is a key difference between changing your mind about a goal (actively and honestly deciding that you no longer actually want or need to do something) and giving up on it (still wanting or needing to do it but feeling somehow unable to). So if you find that you do still really want or need to be doing whatever you have pledged to do in the year ahead - looking after your health better, learning a new skill, getting out more, stopping an unwanted habit - but that something stops you or holds you back, then perhaps this could be your subconscious mind blocking your well-intentioned plans. If that's the case, then a course of Lesserian Curative Hypnotherapy could help to unblock that subconscious barrier and help you on your way. Nothing should force you into giving up something that you want or need to do, not even your own mind!
Make resolutions in April too ...
Our aspirations and goal-setting doesn't need to be confined to one day only. So if you have a sudden urge to learn the guitar in February, then go for it. If you decide in March that perhaps you'd like to join the Gym after all, then do it. And if you find you are holding yourself back in any way from going after your goals or living the life that you want, then contact your local Lesserian Curative Hypnotherapist who may be able to help.
